Thank you for making this post Danny. It's an important issue, and as you said, Ralinwood is a wonderful place that allows for such discussions.
For me, adapting to gendered pronouns is relatively instinctive and easy, and I try to be as mindful as possible when meeting new people, because it's important to me. But not everyone shares this sensitivity or experience. Some people have a more difficult time separating sex from gender - not because they're being thoughtless or vindictive, but because they have different processes and perceptions. They perceive a specific sex based on sense cues and revert to default pronouns, because that is what they understand, especially if they haven't had a sustained interaction with many transgendered individuals. So, I don't think they're implicitly saying, "you're not making this easy enough for us," I think in these cases, they're just unfamiliar with the situation and need time to process it. Never feel blame for this. And never shame them for this. They're learning. Be patient.
If someone comments on your voice, body type, costuming, make up, etc. they are communicating to you why they made the mistake, to reassure you they did not misgender you on purpose. If they are trying to blame you, then yeah, they need to read this post. Blame and shame are toxic. But intention is a strange thing, and hard to discern without colouring it with your personal perception.
I think pronouns should be respected, absolutely, and if there are people who are explicitly disrespecting them to cause pain or intimidation, that is unacceptable. From the examples you gave, it's clear that there is a portion of the population that has a differing perspective on this matter. Those are the people you need to be addressing, and potentially bringing up to Dan and Ivanna.
For me, adapting to gendered pronouns is relatively instinctive and easy, and I try to be as mindful as possible when meeting new people, because it's important to me. But not everyone shares this sensitivity or experience. Some people have a more difficult time separating sex from gender - not because they're being thoughtless or vindictive, but because they have different processes and perceptions. They perceive a specific sex based on sense cues and revert to default pronouns, because that is what they understand, especially if they haven't had a sustained interaction with many transgendered individuals. So, I don't think they're implicitly saying, "you're not making this easy enough for us," I think in these cases, they're just unfamiliar with the situation and need time to process it. Never feel blame for this. And never shame them for this. They're learning. Be patient.
If someone comments on your voice, body type, costuming, make up, etc. they are communicating to you why they made the mistake, to reassure you they did not misgender you on purpose. If they are trying to blame you, then yeah, they need to read this post. Blame and shame are toxic. But intention is a strange thing, and hard to discern without colouring it with your personal perception.
I think pronouns should be respected, absolutely, and if there are people who are explicitly disrespecting them to cause pain or intimidation, that is unacceptable. From the examples you gave, it's clear that there is a portion of the population that has a differing perspective on this matter. Those are the people you need to be addressing, and potentially bringing up to Dan and Ivanna.