09-15-2017, 01:07 PM
I think you may be missing the point of why I was bringing this sort of reaction up.
I'm not trying to shame anyone, and I'm aware they are learning, and I am already very, very patient with them. I'm saying that they don't need to communicate to me why they made their mistake, because I am keenly aware of every single part of myself that could make someone assume I'm female. Because currently it's all of it. I know they don't misgender me on purpose because at this point, I actually expect to be misgendered by literally everybody I meet.
My point is that even if they can point to every single one of those things that confused them, they shouldn't, because they're just going to remind me of those things I am self conscious about. I was in a WoW guild where a good friend of mine who knew I was trans never once screwed up my pronouns, until the moment he heard my voice during a raid on teamspeak. He accidentally called me a 'she' hours later because my more feminine voice had somehow shifted his perception of me. In no way did I blame him for this, and he didn't do it to hurt me. That didn't change the fact that I was terrified to talk to anyone I knew purely online over voice chat for months because I was worried that the few people who constantly used my pronouns correctly would suddenly see me differently and start screwing up.
Of course this is coloured with my personal experience, because these are all personal comments about me that effect how I look at myself, and suddenly I'm reminded of all the reasons I'm sometimes too self conscious or dysphoric to leave my house. I can't distance myself from this issue or care less or just try to have a little thicker a skin for the sake of someone who's really desperate to blame their mistake on some part of me. It is a constant, overbearing part of my life.
If you do respect the trans players, you need to understand that sometimes we will bring a perspective you won't relate as well to because you don't live our experience. What seems harmless to you can have deeply negative effects on me. It doesn't matter what their intent was, and I'm trying to explain why.
I'm not trying to shame anyone, and I'm aware they are learning, and I am already very, very patient with them. I'm saying that they don't need to communicate to me why they made their mistake, because I am keenly aware of every single part of myself that could make someone assume I'm female. Because currently it's all of it. I know they don't misgender me on purpose because at this point, I actually expect to be misgendered by literally everybody I meet.
My point is that even if they can point to every single one of those things that confused them, they shouldn't, because they're just going to remind me of those things I am self conscious about. I was in a WoW guild where a good friend of mine who knew I was trans never once screwed up my pronouns, until the moment he heard my voice during a raid on teamspeak. He accidentally called me a 'she' hours later because my more feminine voice had somehow shifted his perception of me. In no way did I blame him for this, and he didn't do it to hurt me. That didn't change the fact that I was terrified to talk to anyone I knew purely online over voice chat for months because I was worried that the few people who constantly used my pronouns correctly would suddenly see me differently and start screwing up.
Of course this is coloured with my personal experience, because these are all personal comments about me that effect how I look at myself, and suddenly I'm reminded of all the reasons I'm sometimes too self conscious or dysphoric to leave my house. I can't distance myself from this issue or care less or just try to have a little thicker a skin for the sake of someone who's really desperate to blame their mistake on some part of me. It is a constant, overbearing part of my life.
If you do respect the trans players, you need to understand that sometimes we will bring a perspective you won't relate as well to because you don't live our experience. What seems harmless to you can have deeply negative effects on me. It doesn't matter what their intent was, and I'm trying to explain why.
IG: A human man in a crow skull mask, grey stole, and black clerical vestments. Occasionally carries an iron or silver dagger, but more often seen without any visible weapons or amour to speak of.
OOG: Danny Heintz, he/him. Transmasc in progress, please disregard mine bræsts.
OOG: Danny Heintz, he/him. Transmasc in progress, please disregard mine bræsts.